My Crazy Mind

I stress about everything in my life. From what to wear today to if I wear these earrings, something bad will happen. I think it all goes back to when I was little.

Every Halloween, I dressed up for school. I usually spent the day not only looking stupid, but at some point, I would feel stupid. You see every year something happened and a teacher totally embarrassed me. One year, I took a math test. I felt like I did awesome. That I had just blown it out of the water. The teacher graded all of our tests. Mine was last. He came to mine and decided not only to go over the test with the class, but to ask the class the questions and get their answers. He then proceeded to tell them my answer and they all laughed. It seemed like the never ending day.

The next year, my English teacher decided to go around the room and give our grade for the six weeks out loud in front of the entire class. As I sat in my chair with my hair in stupid pig ears, she called out my name, followed by a grade that I truly don't remember. All I know is, it was followed by, "What has happened to you? Your grades are horrible. I am really disappointed." My hair became completely soaked by the tears I wiped from my eyes.

Another year, I wore a skirt as part of my costume. As I walked into school, I slipped and fell down the steps in front of the entire gym full of students.

Needless to say, I hate Halloween. I say all of that to say, my stupid mind works in a crazy way. As I said before I constantly worry about everything. If I wear this today, will something bad happen?

I understand that every decision we make effects our lives differently. But do the choices we make, cause a spiraling results that can ultimately change our destiny. How much does one decision change our life? At this moment in time, I am awaiting a big answer that will ultimately determine the rest of my life. I know what I want the answer to be, but I am not sure. I have always been one to believe in the power of prayer. But do you ever feel as though your life is in someone else's hands entirely and can anything change His mind? I have prayed constantly for this situation. I asked some friends if I buy something, will it change the outcome? I got so many different answers. But one said, "It will not change the outcome, but if you do buy something, you will always feel that it did."

So, tomorrow, I will wonder as I put on my shoes, if the shoes I put on my feet will effect my destiny. I will wonder if every decision I make will change my life path completely. The only thing I can hope for..... regardless where my life takes me or what happens, I am happy and with the ones I love most.

"I seldom end up where I wanted to go,

but almost always end up where I need to be."

- Douglas Adams